if it feels good…

Someone with a more finely tuned sense of humor than myself once said, “if it feels good…do it again!”

Today, in a weak moment when I allowed a couple of thoughts to bounce innocently around inside the rubber room of my skull, i became aware of an interesting echo in current events.

When “the internet” first became an established thing, it wasn’t long before many warnings became issued to the surfing public in the matter of “viruses!” And these viruses were nothing to sneeze at, i tell you! They were nearly certain to “infect” your computer at some point and when that happened, you might be faced with the “blue screen of death”. The origin of these “viruses” was, it was imagined, some basement dwelling, sweat-drenched, foul-smelling evil genius-20 something, coke bottle bespectacled, chuckling-at-his-own genius, obese, sexually-deprived, sociopath with nothing better to do all day than ruin your brand new microsoft computer with his infernal “viruses”.

Thankfully, though, software developers such as Bill’s company Microshaft had just the thing!

Whole industries sprung up around protecting computers from viruses and millions, hundreds of millions, likely billions have been made, defending you from computer viruses. It really worked because who in his right mind wants to use a computer without “virus protection”, and it must be the latest virus protection of course because these little buggers mutate haven’t you heard? And so the virus scanner/super defender has to be updated again and again! But of course, they let you subscribe for a fee so it’s automatic, isn’t that nice of us? It’s a constant war I tell you, and never for a moment must the virus blocking saviors of computing let up or that geek in the basement will be sure to get us all and our brand new Bill Gates computer box will be a lawn ornament in the backyard, fit only as a museum of sorts, of the glories of the soon-to be forgotten internet. Whew, that was a close one!

Somepeople began to suspect quite early on, when they realized that there really was no way for a “malicious hacker” to make a profit from wrecking your mom’s computer other than the joy obtained by the vandal of a random car parked in the lot outside. (Go check it right now!) And so somepeople started to wonder exactly how these malicious buggers earned a living. Were they being paid by computer manufacturers in order to justify selling new owners more software? Did the malicious hackers even exist, or was it all a ploy in order to extract a few more bucks from the stupid unsuspecting public?

Regardless, it does seem like Bill Gates is the perfect individual to rise to the challenge of saving us alll from the common cold, doesn’t it? I mean his employment record positions him just perfectly to save us from the most virulent of viruses the world has ever known. How thankful we must all be for this great philanthropist and his money-grubbing enormous generosity in saving the world! Peace be upon him forevermore!!

But based on his employment record, i am going to go way out there and suggest that an injection or two might not be quite enough to save you and you just might need to have your brand new virus vaccine boosted every so often because, haven’t you heard? These viruses don’t stay the same. They mutate you know and…………..