humor

SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS

Got some peaches and cream and some eggs at the store and went to the counter to pay. There was this trucker there ahead of me and his perfume must have been essence of pig farmer/sewage technician/I haven’t had a bath in forty years!
‎His aroma filled the front part of the store. It was probably the worst thing I have ever smelled in my life and I have smelled liquified dead hog and dog’s who roll around in that, soaking their fur, horse manure (which I kind of like), and horrible rancid underwear (sometimes my own)‎
He weighed 200 kg if not more. I don’t mean to mock the poor guy just describe ‎the odious qualities of the man.
‎I came near to vomiting and hours later I still had it intact in my mind. I think it was on my clothing as well.
‎Back home it was all over me still. It took all the enjoyment out of eating the peaches and cream with sugar.
I should have immediately left the store without the peaches. If this man ever had a bath all the fish downriver and every living thing including birds passing overhead would immediately die.
What a walking reminder he is to everyone to change their underwear!‎
‎And the weirdest thing is that he is oblivious to his “sphere of influence” extending miles around him in every direction including up! How is this possible??
And Imagine the inside of his truck! His Rolling Accommodation. ‎I sincerely pity any hitchiker he picks up or any mechanic unfortunate enough to have to repair his truck!
‎I should have had the human decency to tell him, “Sir, you are the worst-smelling object I have met in my life! But all I could think of was putting as much distance between myself and “the source” as humanly possible.
Perhaps no one ever told him ‎but how is this possible?‎ That a man could be that filthy and no one ever hints at it? Yet surely there are clues! You walk into a restaurant and patrons immediately flee and cleaning companies for miles around drop whatever they are doing and dart for the place the moment you walk out the door?‎
‎And just imagine his social life, everyone fleeing the moment you appear. What must he think of people when Everywhere you go you see people doubling over, gagging and vomiting! And still it doesn’t cross your mind. “Maybe I should grab a shower. It’s been forty years”?